1. You Have A Serious Love Affair With Your Snooze Button
Faintly, you hear the sound of the alarm penetrating your dreams, you roll over and smack it. In a short seven minutes, the alarm sounds again—only a little stronger this time and now you are forced to react even more aggressively. Time and again, the struggle continues, it pulls you from sleep, you push your way back into it, until you finally break down and drag yourself from your bed.
2. A Good Night’s Sleep Is An Elusive Dream
On the one hand, it sounds amazing, but on the other, you are not even sure what it means to wake up feeling refreshed. What if your whole personality and your entire life have been shaped by your perpetual lack of sleep? What might you be capable of if you ever got a solid eight hours? Would your friends even recognize you? Would you recognize yourself? You better not risk it.
3. Setting The Alarm? It’s Complicated
People who don’t have a hard time waking up in the morning have no idea the complex strategy involved in setting your alarm(s). One alarm is set on your phone with a second set to go off 10 minutes later. And probably another one 10 minutes after that, just in case the first two fail. Oh, and don’t forget an alarm clock across the room so you actually have to get up to turn it off.
4. You Have No Tolerance For Morning People
They are chipper and enthusiastic before they have even had a cup of coffee. There is no way they can actually exist. Chances are these little balls of energy are just thinly-disguised aliens.
5. Napping Always Ends Badly
There is no such thing as a power nap for you. You’re so exhausted that once you curl up on the couch, you are out like a light. What you think will be a short 20-minute snooze turns into a three-hour indulgence—and you wake up unsure of where you are or where you are supposed to be.
6. You Always Get A Second Wind At Night
Usually this second wind comes right around the hour that you have told yourself you would be heading to bed. Instead, you decide to stay up for just one more episode, to finish up one more project, or perhaps to redecorate your entire house while having a dance party in your pajamas.
7. You Fantasize About Going To Sleep
The scent of the freshly laundered sheets. The memory foam mattress waiting to envelop you. Your head sinking deep into the pillow and your eyes closing. When will this dream become a reality?
8. You Need Concealer—Lots Of It
You have used every concealer, every foundation and every combination of the two that you could come up with—but there is nothing that can hide the bags under your eyes. You’ve given up and now simply answer, “Yes, yes I am tired today.” Thanks for noticing.
9. You Spend An Entire Weekend Catching Up On Sleep
Your body has finally given itself over to the exhaustion and you let it, thinking that maybe you can bank a few extra hours of sleep for next week. On the upside, since you didn’t leave your house all weekend, you managed to save a few bucks without trying very hard.
10. You’re Always Calculating How Much Sleep You’ll Get
If I go to bed now, I can get nine hours of sleep. Oops, I watched another episode of “Walking Dead.” Eight hours should be plenty. Maybe just one more episode. Seven hours, and I’ll be fine for work in the morning. How did I just watch another entire episode?? Okay, if I fall asleep this instant, I can still get six hours, 12 minutes and 38 seconds of sleep.
11. Nothing Stands Between You And Caffeine
There is a plan, a routine and nothing can get in the way of it—or the consequences will be severe. Coffee for breakfast, energy drink on the way to work with an energy shot in the afternoon. This should at least sustain you until dinner.
Photo by Seniju